Love Does Not Envy
December 23, 2018
Christmas is upon us. So I have a question for you. How many of you have an Amazon Prime Wish list? You know, the kind your kids or grand kids have asked you to make so they can go online and purchase a gift for you this Christmas? I’ve got one of those. On my list are a number of books and music I like. But I’ve also put some really expensive stuff on there. Like an Orion GoScope III 70mm Refractor Telescope Kitand a TaylorMade Spider Putter. Now, I don’t really expect I’ll receive either one of those expensive gifts, but a guy can dream. But there’s a reason I ask if you have an Amazon wish list, it’s because Amazon processes 5 billion packages each year, with about 1 billion of those processed at Christmastime. Which is pretty clear evidence that Christmas has become a massive ritual of materialistic consumption. Somehow someone or something has persuaded us that the more we acquire the happier we will be. But it hasn’t always been this way.
Some say this massive ritual of materialistic consumption all started when a guy named John Wanamaker, opened Philadelphia’s first department store in an abandoned railway depot, in 1875. At that time he figured that to be successful, people had to purchase more items than they needed more often than they wanted. So he believed that the goal of business was not just to manufacture products but to manufacture desire for the products.
Not long after that, a contemporary of Wanamaker, Emily Mead, said in 1901 that a successful business needed advertising to ensure the “diffusion of ‘desire’ throughout the entire population.” She said things like, “We are not concerned with the ability to pay, but with the ability to want.” She believed ads would stimulate the imagination and emotions and trigger this desire to want. And she was right. Advertisers became the prophets of consumerism – turning the imagination of the people towards goods they didn’t know they wanted. And so began the onslaught of our imagination promising us a better life filled with more comfort, status, success and happiness, if we just purchase what is offered.
And today, according to the New York Times, everyday we are exposed to 3,500 desire-inducing advertisements; all promising that satisfaction is just one more purchase away. One writer summarizes our situation this way: “The consumer is schooled in insatiability. He or she is never to be satisfied – at least not for long.”
Now, why do I bring this up the day before Christmas Eve? What does this onslaught on our desires have to do with us today? Well I’ll give you a hint. We are in the middle of a series called LOVE DOES. And love is the one distinguishing mark that identifies us as God’s people. Jesus said, As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. John 13:34-35
So when we are consumed by our wants we are not free to love. And that’s precisely what Paul teaches us about love in 1 Corinthians 13. He writes, If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy. 1 Corinthians 13:1-4 We can talk the talk, know all kinds of truth, have all kinds of faith, and give of ourselves in all kinds of ways, but have no love. For love doesn’t have a whole lot do with religious activities, but with our relationships. So Paul teaches us that Love is patient, that love doesn’t react in anger to people who wrong us. Love doesn’t avoid people who are difficult and annoying. Rather, love is kind. Love gives grace to those who don’t deserve it. That’s what love does. But then Paul takes a detour and tells what love does not do. And the first thing love does not do is this: Love does not envy.
And when we are consumed with envy, when we are trying to satisfy our wants, envy blocks the flow of love from us. In other words,as long as we are consumed with self, we can’t love someone else. So if I understand God’s Word correctly here, He would have us recognize this enemy of love and deal with it.
What is Envy? At the root of envy is a burning desire to HAVE what I cannot or do not HAVE. It is closely related to covetousness. This is what’s at the heart of Madison Avenue’s scheme to school us in insatiability. We are constantly being bombarded with images and ideas to make us believe we need to have something we don’t really need in order to be happy. And when we don’t get what we think we need, we struggle with feelings of discontent, and even anger. Forenvy comes from a verb that means “to boil or to be hot.” James gives us a picture of what happens when the heat of envy gets the best of you: “You want something but don’t get it. You kill and you covet, but you cannot havewhat you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God.” James 4:2
Now most of us have a hard time seeing envy in ourselves, because we picture this attitude in a toddler’s temper tantrum: She screams, rolls on the ground, and bites her brother because she wants the toy her brother is playing with. So, we think envy is for babies – we’ve outgrown such immaturity. Really?
Here’s one pastors description of how envy rears its ugly head in our lives today: “I love something very much, toomuch. So I pursue it with zeal. I desire to possess it completely. But the thing I love passes out of my hands and into another’s. I begin to experience the gnawing pangs of jealousy. Strangely, the feelings of zeal and lovebegin to change. By the dark, transforming power of sin, my love turns to hate. Once I was open, happy, filled to the brim with delight, but no longer. Now I am closed within a narrow compass of inner rage, intensely and insanely angry.”
I have seen first hand the destruction of envy in my own family. Years ago, my brother-in-law, Art, sought to control every relationship around him, especially those that involved my sister. If Art liked you and you agreed with him, he included you in his circle. However, if you didn’t see eye to eye, or want to do things his way, then he’d have nothing to do with you. His envy came to a head with our family when my sister turned 30. All the family had been invited to her party. Art loved having parties at his home. He loved being the center of attention. But when for some reason or another, most of us couldn’t make it that was it for Art. Since we couldn’t find time to make it to Vickie’s party he no longer had time for us. And Vickie had to pay the penalty. She was now forbidden to have anything to do with us. How that began to be hurtful was when Vickie gave birth to her second and third children – we weren’t allowed to visit. And she wasn’t allowed to visit us. No birthday parties, no holidays, no family gatherings. And when I got married, Vickie wasn’t allowed to attend. Art controlled every relationship in her life. And when he died, I never heard my sister say, even once, that she missed him. On the contrary, after his funeral, many of her old friends returned and she got her family back.
Envy is destructive. It controls, competesand seeks to posses. But relationships were never intended to work this way. People are not possessions to be owned, put in their place or controlled. Love doesn’t seek to control, but trusts and grants freedom.
How does that work? When I reject envy, I choose to trust God. I no longer worry about what I do or don’t have. I’m content. So then, rather than controlling my relationships I am freeto celebrate their lives, their interests, their successes, freeto let them be who God created them to be. That’s what love does. Love does not envy. Love does not seek to posses. Love celebrates the one being loved.
This is how God loves us. He doesn’t force Himself on us. He doesn’t control our every move. He created us to be free. And now He wants us to love in the same way. To celebrate the beauty of every person He created: to celebrate their gifts and talents, their accomplishments, their uniqueness as a person. You see, God created you in His image and likeness. And that means your life now has meaning and purpose, dignity and uniqueness. There is no one else like you. So God rejoices over you with love. That’s what love without envy does. Love celebrates your life rather than controls it. Love without envy frees us to truly love anyone for who they are!
How do I cultivate a love that does not envy? How do I free myself from this character flaw that keeps me from truly loving anyone?There are at least three ways:
1) Ask God to reveal any envy in your heart The Bible says,The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure, who can understand it? Jeremiah 17:9 In other words, envy is often something I can’t see or detect in myself. So ask God, Is there anyone I feelI have to control or possess to feel better about myself? Or Am I genuinely happy for someone when he/she succeeds? OrAm I discontent in some area of my life? This last question gets to the heart of envy. Envy is the opposite of contentment. Art critic Robert Hughes wrote a penetrating critique of our culture a few years back, called The Culture of Complaint. His point is that we live in a society where people perceive themselves to be entitled to having all their desires fulfilled. We take this to be part of our birthright. But the result of this mindset is that it creates not just a culture of complaint, but a culture of discontentment, and discontentment cultivates envy. So what are some of the signs discontentment is present in my life?
- I find myself disappointed in my relationships. My friends or spouse or children don’t meet all my emotional and intimacy needs, and I find myself growing resentful
- Rather then losing myself in the moment, I get preoccupied in whether or not I am truly happy.
- Too often I compare myself with others whose circumstances are better than mine and grow envious.
- I try to escape from my discontentment by seeking relief or distraction by going shopping, drinking alcohol, watching endless TV or surfing the Internet.
- I lose generosity of spirit. My initial response to people or events tends to be cynical or even hostile.
Do you see yourself in there at all? My guess is that all of us struggle with discontent from time to time because our culture constantly tells us we deserve the perfect life. And if you live with discontent too long it will manifest itself in envy. So how do we squash this ungodly desire in us when God reveals it? That’s the next step:
2) Learn contentment through gratitude Paul wrote these words in Philippians 4:12“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secretof being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” We need to learnhow to be content. Contentment is not a natural state for us. And one way to learn contentment is by remembering all God has given you. And the best way to do that is stop and give thanks to Him.
- Thank God for your material blessings. Thank Him for the roof over your head, clean water, and plenty to eat. Thank God you have money and can enjoy some of the good things of life.
- Thank God that you are made in His image. That you have a body, and most of it works. That you eyes that see, feet that walk, lungs that breathe, a heart that beats. Thank God for your own talents and gifts, for your personality. God created you the way He wanted you to be. There is no one like you. So thank Him.
- Thank God for His love. Thank God that there will never be a time when He will stop loving you. Thank Him for forgiving you, saving you and making you His Child.
- Thank God for His Word. Thank God He communicated to you through His Word so you could know His son, know Him personally. And
- Thank God that He included you His family– that He gave you have brothers and sisters in Christ to carry your burdens, to encourage you and love you. And when you stopand take inventoryof all God has given you, your discontent will fade away, the envy boiling inside will dissipate, and you will be free to love. But don’t stop there. There is one more step that will quiet your soul, and that is this:
3) Learn to live in the love and care of God Listen to these words of David from Ps 23:
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He refreshes my soul. Psalm 23:1-3
This is the one area I’m working on in my life right now. It’s learning to rest in God’s loving presence and cease striving to possess everythingmy world is telling me I need to have a full and satisfying life.
Look closely at these verses. The Lord is my Shepherd I’m in the care of my Creator. I’m not in charge anymore. I’ve surrendered my life to Him. He knows my name and all of my needs. I can trust Him to care for me. The Lord is my shepherd. Can you say that?
With Him as my shepherd, I lack nothing Or in the King James, “I shall not want.” I shall not be discontent, all I need I have in Him. He knows everything about me and still loves me. He is for me not against me. He created me with a heart full of desires, but every desire can be satisfied in Him. So I don’t have to worry or strive after anything to be satisfied. Just like Jesus teaches: “Seekfirst his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6:33
He makes me lie down in green pastures What kind of sheep lies down in green pastures? One who has eaten its fill. One who is full, satisfied, content!
He leads me beside quiet waters A sheep that is being led beside still water is a sheep that is not thirsty. Jesus said to the woman at the well,“Everyone who drinksthis water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” John 4:13-14
Are you starting to get the point? We live in a world that says, “You need to make this happen. You need strive after everything to find satisfaction. You have to have possessions, success, talent and beauty to be content.” But it’s never enough. But when God is your shepherd, He is enough. He is all you need. So learn to live in the love and care of God and you will be content… and you will be free to love.
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