The Story of God: Sister Wives

One of the greatest struggles every one of us grapples with from time to time is where we get our sense of value, significance or worth. Like many men, for years I struggled to get my sense of worth from accomplishment. If I could write out a list of goals, and then check them off each time I reached one, I would feel really good about myself. If the church I pastored would see people come to faith or just experience numerical growth, I would feel significant. For me serving in the ministry was similar to other men running a company. We falsely gain significance from our successes. But the problem with that is that failures often affect us negatively: If you have a bad year; if you’re not growing or meeting your expectations; if you fail in some way your sense of self-worth fails.

Now for women, generally speaking, your struggle with self-worth is quite different. Your sense of self worth is not found in your accomplishments, but in your relationships.   You might find that your self-worth is bound up in your relationship with your husband or the success of your children, or both. But what happens if your husband fails to love you? What happens if he leaves you? What happens if your children don’t turn out like you planned?   Are you still be satisfied who you are or does your self worth take a blow?   If you’re like most people, when your relationships suffer, your sense of worth suffers. So like many, you try to do something about it: For some you dive back into another relationship. For some you go buy a new wardrobe, or get a new hairstyle, or go work out so that you feel good about how you look. Or maybe you don’t do any of those things, and you just cry yourself to sleep every night and pray that God will do something to help you feel better about your life.

If you’ve ever struggled with your sense of self worth, if you’ve ever struggled with feeling good about yourself, if you’ve ever cried yourself to sleep at night wondering if God understood your pain or your shame… then the story we’re going to look at today should give you hope. That story is about two sisters who married the same man: Jacob. And the story of their struggle for self worth is found in Genesis 29 – 30, our text this morning. So if you brought a Bible with you today, let me encourage you to find Genesis 29. Where we enter the story of Sister Wives: Leah and Rachel. Two women struggling with one another to gain for themselves the significance they both long for. We pick up the story in Genesis 29:31 with…

1. The Longing of Leah When the Lord saw that Leah was not loved, he enabled her to conceive, but Rachel remained childless.  Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, “It is because the Lord has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now.” Genesis 29:31-32 Leah is the miserable sister. She wants to be the preferred wife of Jacob, but she knows that Jacob loves Rachel, he has always loved Rachel. But now she is Jacob’s unloved wife. So she’s miserable. She’s desperately unhappy. Think about. Almost every woman grows up with the hope of marrying the man of her dreams… to be treasured, protected, romanced and provided for by one who will do anything for her. But that’s not Jacob. He does not love her. He does not want her. He wants Rachel. And Leah knows it. And yet, so does God.

The Lord saw that Leah was not loved. In fact, this word, “not loved” sounds bad enough. But when you understand that in the Hebrew language it means “hated” its even worse. Jacob is stuck with Leah. It’s his duty to keep her as his wife. But he can’t stand what she represents. Every time he looks at her he is reminded of his own deception that’s come back to bite him. And so he’s angry with himself, with her and with Laban. And that leave Leah miserable. This is not how she imagined marriage to be. You could even say she began this marriage with a broken heart.

But God intervened. In fact, God is always near the broken hearted. God has a special place for the unloved. If you doubt this, read the gospels. Jesus was always drawn to the unloved and outcasts of his day. So, we see how God intervened here for Leah. For He allowed her to become pregnant and give birth to a son. She named him Reuben. His name literally means, “See, a son.” There is good news in the birth of a Son. Reuben is the fulfillment of God’s blessing. And this tells us something about Leah. When she says, “It is because the Lord has seen my misery” she reveals that she has embraced the faith of Jacob. She now believes in the promises of the blessing given to Jacob. And now with the birth of Reuben, she believes that with God’s blessing coming through her, Jacob would now love her. And then we read:

She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “Because the Lord heard that I am not loved, he gave me this one too.” So she named him Simeon.  Again she conceived, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “Now at last my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons.” So he was named Levi.  She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “This time I will praise the Lord.” So she named him Judah. Then she stopped having children. Genesis 29:31-35

Each time she gave birth she held onto the hope that Jacob would turn his affections toward her. The second birth had come about because Leah had cried out to God about her lack of love, and she believes that Simeon came as an answer to her prayers “the Lord heard I am not loved.” And so her faith grows. Then she gives birth to Levi. Surely with Levi’s birth, Jacob will see her worth. She’s the woman of God’s choosing. God is blessing here womb, not Rachel’s. Then, she bears a fourth son, Judah. This time we see a change in Leah. She is no longer seeking Jacob’s love, she’s giving praise to God, saying, “This time I will praise the Lord.”

What changed? Three times she’d given birth to a son. Three times she’d hoped Jacob would love her. But now with the fourth child, Leah seems content, even happy. She praises the Lord. Is it because God has seen her and heard her and blessed her with children? Has she found contentment in God? Or has her self-worth shifted to her children? We can’t be sure, but we shall soon see…

But for now, the story shifts to Rachel’s struggle in what I would call: The Desperation of Rachel and so we read: When Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children, she became jealous of her sister. So she said to Jacob, “Give me children, or I’ll die!” Genesis 30:1   Enter the drama queen. Rachel is jealous of Leah’s fertility. Every time Leah gives birth to a son, Rachel is reminded that she is barren. But it’s not the barrenness that she can’t stand. It’s what being barren stands for. Every time Leah bears a child, the women in the community murmur behind Rachel’s back, they look at her funny. Her barren womb is a disgrace. Although she is loved by Jacob, her shame is literally killing her sense of self worth.. So in her desperation she cries out to Jacob for salvation: “Give me children, or I’ll die.”

But when she says, “Give me children, or I will die,” she is calling Jacob out for his lack of spiritual leadership. As the heir of the blessing of God, he should be praying for her to have sons. So the implication is obvious: “I have no children because you are not praying.” And so her demand infuriates Jacob. Jacob became angry with her and said, “Am I in the place of God, who has kept you from having children?” Not the godly response she was hoping for. Jacob is still only thinking of himself and is quick to shirk responsibility and puts it directly back on her, telling her, that it is God, not Jacob that’s kept her barren. Now there is not only conflict between the sister wives, but there’s tension in his marriage to Rachel. Not good.

So what’s a girl to do? Out of her desperation Rachel takes matters into her own hands. So she said, “Here is Bilhah, my servant. Sleep with her so that she can bear children for me and I too can build a family through her.”  She’s now so desperate to remove her shame, she demands Jacob to have sex with her. And her plan works: Jacob sleeps with Bilhah, and she conceives and gives birth to a son. 

Then Rachel said, “God has vindicated me; he has listened to my plea and given me a son.” Because of this she named him Dan. It’s all about Rachel. God has vindicated ME, He has listened to MY plea and given ME a son. It’s all about me, me, me…. nothing about God’s blessing. So now it’s obvious where Rachel is seeking her self worth: not from the love of her husband, not from being part of God’s blessing, but in the building of a family. At this point she has reduced Jacob to the role of stud…

How ironic. Leah wants what Rachel has, the love of Jacob. And Rachel wants what Leah has – children. Both women are now locked in a struggle with God for His favor, and poor Jacob is caught in the middle. And then we read, Rachel’s servant Bilhah conceived again and bore Jacob a second son. Then Rachel said, “I have had a great struggle with my sister, and I have won.” So she named him Naphtali.

Rachel believes she is vindicated, that she is IN THE RIGHT by giving her servant to Jacob. Now with two sons born through Bilhah, she believes she’s won God’s favor. So, it looks as though this fight between these DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES has reached its climax. But no sooner does Rachel declare victory than we see that The Struggle’s Not Over The ball’s just gone back to Leah’s court. Two can play at this game. And so we read: When Leah saw that she had stopped having children, she took her servant Zilpah and gave her to Jacob as a wife.  Leah’s servant Zilpah bore Jacob a son.  Then Leah said, “What good fortune!” So she named him Gad.

Notice, Leah no longer gives praise to God. She says, “What good fortune.” “This maidservant scheme worked for Rachel, now it’s working for me!” “How lucky am I!” And so she names her son Gad. Then Leah’s servant Zilpah bore Jacob a second son. Then Leah said, “How happy I am! The women will call me happy.” Leah has just one upped Rachel twice. Their battle for God’s favor is on display for the whole community. And Leah basically says, “I am now the envy of all the women around me!”

Well Rachel isn’t going to take this new development sitting down. She thought she’d won. But now that Leah’s had children the same way she’s had children, she’s still competing for validation and so we read: During wheat harvest, Reuben went out into the fields and found some mandrake plants, which he brought to his mother Leah. Rachel said to Leah, “Please give me some of your son’s mandrakes.”  But she said to her, “Wasn’t it enough that you took away my husband? Will you take my son’s mandrakes too?”

Can you hear the tension between these two? They are still locking horns with each other, this time over the local plant know as the “love fruit.” Widely considered an aphrodisiac. So by asking for these mandrakes, Rachel is still trying anything she can to get pregnant. But even though you can hear the bitterness in Leah’s reply, notice here how Rachel’s tone changes: “Very well,” Rachel said, “he can sleep with you tonight in return for your son’s mandrakes.” Rachel, who has had the power in the household, suddenly surrenders to Leah’s wishes.

But isn’t it interesting how in this story Jacob is reduced to a pawn between the sister wives? It’s no longer about who Jacob loves, its about babies. The one with the most babies wins! I mean, listen to how Leah now addresses Jacob: “You must sleep with me,” she said. “I have hired you with my son’s mandrakes.” Again, how ironic. Just like her father Laban hired him, Leah hires him. His marriage to Leah has been reduced to a commercial contract – pretty sad.

So he slept with her that night. But notice what the narrator tells us here: God listened to Leah, and she became pregnant and bore Jacob a fifth son. Then Leah said, “God has rewarded me for giving my servant to my husband.” So she named him Issachar. (“He rewards”) Leah conceived again and bore Jacob a sixth son. Then Leah said, “God has presented me with a precious gift. This time my husband will treat me with honor, because I have borne him six sons.” So she named him Zebulun. Some time later she gave birth to a daughter and named her Dinah. Genesis 30:14-21

Wow, even after giving birth to six sons, seven children in all, nine if you include her maidservant’s children; even though she’s treated Jacob as a stud for hire, even though she’s the envy of all the other women in camp, Leah still longs to receive the honor due her as Jacob’s lawful wife – the struggle is not over for Leah and will probably never be. She’s still looking to be validated by the love of Jacob.

But you can’t say the same about Rachel. Obviously, the mandrakes didn’t work, for Leah’s had two children and Rachel none since she surrendered to Leah’s terms.   In fact, the only thing left for Rachel to do was to pray. And pray she did. For as we reach the conclusion of this sister rivalry we read: Then God remembered Rachel; he listened to her and enabled her to conceive.  She became pregnant and gave birth to a son and said, “God has taken away my disgrace.” She named him Joseph, and said, “May the Lord add to me another son.” Genesis 30:22-24

The God remembered Rachel. God listened to her prayers. God enabled her to conceive. And then Rachel gives God all the glory: “God has taken away my disgrace”

Do you see what happened here? It’s no longer about “me”; it’s no longer about Rachel. Somewhere in her desperation, Rachel discovered that God was all she needed. She quit striving, quit scheming, quit fighting, and started praying, and God remembered her… God turned to her in a personal way and poured out his kindness to her. That’s grace. God heard Rachel’s cry for deliverance and removed her shame by giving her a son. Rachel did not deserve to have her womb opened by God, but when she came to the end of her self, when she ceased striving and surrendered, that’s when God gave her grace by giving her a son.

In much the same way, that’s when God gives us grace. When we quit trying to fix ourselves… when we come to the end of ourselves, that’s when God remembers us and gives us grace – for He has already given us a son, and his name is Jesus.

So who are you in this story? Are you unloved Leah or desperate Rachel? Whoever you identify with this morning, there is hope for you. If you are unloved, God is always drawn to you. He loves you. If you see yourself in Rachel; it doesn’t matter if you are a woman or a man. What matters is that you’ve come to the place in your life where you are ready to quit striving to get what you think will make your life worth living and surrender your ways and trust in God to remove your shame, your guilt, your pain, and wait on Him to save your life. For God promises you this: He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; He hears their cry and saves them. Psalm 145:19

God heard the cry of Rachel and took away her disgrace. Has He heard your cry?