The Story of God: Dysfunctional Family Values

As we return to His story today, we come upon one of the most messed up families in the Bible. If you were to have a poster child for what a dysfunctional family looks like, you need go no further than this family. Their story unfolds for us today in Genesis 27. And it’s not a pretty story. In fact, after reading their story, you may leave here shaking your head and wondering what was God thinking when He chose to use this family to create a people for Himself? But you may also leave here marveling in God’s grace – that if He can use a family like this one, then maybe, just maybe there’s hope for your family.

Where we’re going to see how God works through the dysfunctional family values of Isaac’s family to raise up the least likely man through whom He will create the new people of God, Israel.   So, if you’ve found Genesis 27, we’ll begin our journey by looking into Isaac’s Compromised Values (in verses 1-4) as he sets the tone for how God is going to work through some really messed up people: When Isaac was old and his eyes were so weak that he could no longer see, he called for Esau his older son and said to him, “My son.”

“Here I am,” he answered.

Isaac said, “I am now an old man and don’t know the day of my death. Now then, get your equipment—your quiver and bow—and go out to the open country to hunt some wild game for me.  Prepare me the kind of tasty food I like and bring it to me to eat, so that I may give you my blessing before I die.” Genesis 27:1-4

Isaac was ready to impart his blessing to his firstborn son. Giving his blessing is a big deal, something that would normally be celebrated by the entire community. But that’s not what we see here. Isaac wants to give Esau the blessing in secret. This secrecy reflects the broken family dynamic. Isaac was keenly aware of the Lord’s prophecy given to his wife, “the older will serve the younger.” He knows that Jacob has already stolen Esau’s birthright. And he knows that the one who receives his blessing should be the heir of God’s promises… So when he sends Esau out to prepare a meal for a private blessing, Isaac compromises his faith by showing favoritism to the son who has no faith – who could care less about the promises of God. By asking Esau to prepare “the kind of tasty food I like” Isaac compromises his faith by appealing to his flesh. His taste for wild game is more appealing than his trust in God. And he does all of this in secret. And in doing this not only is he keeping his plan from Rebekah, he is doing and end run on God. Isaac’s sight isn’t the only thing that’s failing him. He’s compromised his faith for a bowl of stew. Sound familiar? Like father like son. And his secret plan has now opened the floodgates to reveal all of his family’s flaws at once. For as we quickly learn, Rebekah’s overhears the whole plan.

And in her eavesdropping we are now privy to all of Rebekah’s Controlling Values: Now Rebekah was listening as Isaac spoke to his son Esau. When Esau left for the open country to hunt game and bring it back, Rebekah said to her son Jacob, “Look, I overheard your father say to your brother Esau, ‘Bring me some game and prepare me some tasty food to eat, so that I may give you my blessing in the presence of the Lord before I die.’ Now, my son, listen carefully and do what I tell you:  Go out to the flock and bring me two choice young goats, so I can prepare some tasty food for your father, just the way he likes it.  Then take it to your father to eat, so that he may give you his blessing before he dies.”

Here’s a couple of observations about Rebekah’s dysfunctional flaws.   First, she was listening in on the conversation between Isaac and Esau. She says, “I overheard your father say to your brother Esau.” This tells us that she was eavesdropping. In other words, Rebekah did not trust her husband. Next she waits for Esau to leave before taking action, and immediately sets into motion a plan that would keep Esau from receiving the blessing. After all, she was the one to whom God said, “the older will serve the younger.” She knew God had chosen Jacob to be the heir of the promises. But at the same time, she did not trust God to bring this about. Why? Because Rebekah was a Jewish mother in every sense of the word – she was going to do everything in her power to control the outcome. She wore the pants in the family. And she was going to make sure that Jacob got this blessing, not Esau.

And what we see by her actions is that Rebekah’s motive is correct, but her method is all wrong. So now we read in verse11, Jacob said to Rebekah his mother, “But my brother Esau is a hairy man while I have smooth skin. What if my father touches me? I would appear to be tricking him and would bring down a curse on myself rather than a blessing.”

His mother said to him, “My son, let the curse fall on me. Just do what I say; go and get them for me.” So he went and got them and brought them to his mother, and she prepared some tasty food, just the way his father liked it. Then Rebekah took the best clothes of Esau her older son, which she had in the house, and put them on her younger son Jacob. She also covered his hands and the smooth part of his neck with the goatskins. Then she handed to her son Jacob the tasty food and the bread she had made.

Any doubters here? Rebekah controlled everything! Rebekah had such a strong conviction that she was in the right, that she was willing to face the consequences of God’s curse. So she told to Jacob precisely what he was to do. She got the clothes for Jacob, covered Jacob’s hands and neck with goatskin, and then she handed Jacob the food she had prepared. So yes, even though Rebekah was a woman of faith, she failed to trust God to work out this blessing for Jacob. She didn’t trust her husband, and she didn’t trust Jacob with the details of the delusion. She controlled ever detail. And Jacob was willing to do whatever she said. Talk about a helicopter parent!

So now the stage is set for Jacob to steal the blessing. But he too had some issues. So now we get to see Jacob’s character flaw. We get to see Jacob’s Contrived Values in how easy it was for Jacob to lie so to get the blessing. Follow along now, beginning with verse 18 and see if you can count how many times Jacob lies to his father:

He went to his father and said, “My father.”

“Yes, my son,” he answered. “Who is it?”

Jacob said to his father, “I am Esau your firstborn.  I have done as you told me. Please sit up and eat some of my game, so that you may give me your blessing.”

Isaac asked his son, “How did you find it so quickly, my son?”

“The Lord your God gave me success,” he replied.

Then Isaac said to Jacob, “Come near so I can touch you, my son, to know whether you really are my son Esau or not.”

Jacob went close to his father Isaac, who touched him and said, “The voice is the voice of Jacob, but the hands are the hands of Esau.” He did not recognize him, for his hands were hairy like those of his brother Esau; so he proceeded to bless him. “Are you really my son Esau?” he asked.

“I am,” he replied.

Then he said, “My son, bring me some of your game to eat, so that I may give you my blessing.” Jacob brought it to him and he ate; and he brought some wine and he drank.  Then his father Isaac said to him, “Come here, my son, and kiss me.”

So he went to him and kissed him.

When Isaac caught the smell of his clothes, he blessed him and said, “Ah, the smell of my son is like the smell of a field that the Lord has blessed. May God give you heaven’s dew and earth’s richness—an abundance of grain and new wine.

May nations serve you and peoples bow down to you. Be lord over your brothers, and may the sons of your mother bow down to you. May those who curse you be cursed and those who bless you be blessed.”

Last week, we saw how Jacob took advantage of his brother’s hunger to steal the birthright. Now, he has taken advantage of his father’s diminished facilities and has deceived him into giving him the blessing. He lies to him FIVE times. But the biggest lie was bringing God into his deception. His mother didn’t coach him on this one. It was all his doing. Nothing like dropping God’s name to help you trick your father. And it worked. Isaac went ahead and gave Jacob the blessing. Isaac’s words of blessing were irrevocable; God’s prophecy was now fulfilled: “the older will serve the younger.”

And as if right on cue, Esau returns. And we don’t have to wait long to see the fruit of Esau’s Careless Values:  After Isaac finished blessing him, and Jacob had scarcely left his father’s presence, his brother Esau came in from hunting. He too prepared some tasty food and brought it to his father.

Then he said to him, “My father, please sit up and eat some of my game, so that you may give me your blessing.”

His father Isaac asked him, “Who are you?”

“I am your son,” he answered, “your firstborn, Esau.”

Isaac trembled violently and said, “Who was it, then, that hunted game and brought it to me? I ate it just before you came and I blessed him—and indeed he will be blessed!” When Esau heard his father’s words, he burst out with a loud and bitter cry and said to his father, “Bless me—me too, my father!” Here now is the fruit of Esau’s careless values: He never cared about Isaac’s God. He never cared about the promises. He even despised his own birthright. And he reaps the fruit of his carelessness: he’s lost the one thing he really cared about: His father’s blessing.

Why? Because receiving the blessing meant you were approved by your father. It meant that he loved you and accepted you as a man. It was a stamp of validation on hear’s he’s lost his father’s blessing Esau is crushed. Now that it has been given to Jacob, he cries out in deep anguish for any word of blessing. But there was nothing left to give. Isaac could give only the one blessing, and when he gave it, he gave Jacob everything. Here then is the irony of this dysfunctional relationship: Because Isaac had so favored Esau, at the time when Isaac gave his blessing to whom he thought was Esau, he gave him everything. He blessed him economically, socially and spiritually. He blessed him with prosperity and dominion and God’s favor. He left nothing back. As a result his plan was to give nothing to Jacob. BUT because Jacob deceived Isaac, now it was Esau who was left out in the cold with absolutely nothing.   And so we read: But he said, “Your brother came deceitfully and took your blessing.”

Esau said, “Isn’t he rightly named Jacob? This is the second time he has taken advantage of me: He took my birthright, and now he’s taken my blessing!”

Then he asked, “Haven’t you reserved any blessing for me?”

Isaac answered Esau, “I have made him lord over you and have made all his relatives his servants, and I have sustained him with grain and new wine. So what can I possibly do for you, my son?”

Esau said to his father, “Do you have only one blessing, my father? Bless me too, my father!” Then Esau wept aloud.

So with nothing left to give Esau, Isaac now gives Esau the anti-blessing: His father Isaac answered him, “Your dwelling will be away from the earth’s richness, away from the dew of heaven above. You will live by the sword and you will serve your brother. But when you grow restless, you will throw his yoke from off your neck.”

And so Esau reaps the fruit of his dysfunctional family and his own careless lifestyle.

And as you can imagine, Esau doesn’t take this betrayal by Jacob lightly. His response and the ensuing reactions to his response portray for us The Consequences of Dysfunctional Family Values: And so we read in verse 41, Esau held a grudge against Jacob because of the blessing his father had given him. He said to himself, “The days of mourning for my father are near; then I will kill my brother Jacob.” Wow, if their was any doubt about how messed up this family had become, here’s the evidence: The first consequence of this dysfunctional family is Esau’s anger. He is filled with a bitter resentment towards his brother. He is so angry that he immediately determines to murder his brother. But then somehow Rebekah gets wind of his plan, and so we read: When Rebekah was told what her older son Esau had said, she sent for her younger son Jacob and said to him, “Your brother Esau is planning to avenge himself by killing you. Now then, my son, do what I say: Flee at once to my brother Laban in Haran. Stay with him for a while until your brother’s fury subsides. When your brother is no longer angry with you and forgets what you did to him, I’ll send word for you to come back from there. Why should I lose both of you in one day?”

Then Rebekah said to Isaac, “I’m disgusted with living because of these Hittite women. If Jacob takes a wife from among the women of this land, from Hittite women like these, my life will not be worth living.”

Once again, this self-appointed control freak goes into action. This time to save Jacob’s hide, she uses manipulation. She uses her disgust with the Hittite women to move Isaac to do something about Jacob’s marital dilemma. And it works, Isaac send Jacob back to the land of their clan. And not only that but now he gives Jacob the Patriarchal blessing. Look at the text: So Isaac called for Jacob and blessed him. Then he commanded him: “Do not marry a Canaanite woman.  Go at once to Paddan Aram, to the house of your mother’s father Bethuel. Take a wife for yourself there, from among the daughters of Laban, your mother’s brother.  May God Almighty bless you and make you fruitful and increase your numbers until you become a community of peoples.  May he give you and your descendants the blessing given to Abraham, so that you may take possession of the land where you now reside as a foreigner, the land God gave to Abraham.”Then Isaac sent Jacob on his way, and he went to Paddan Aram, to Laban son of Bethuel the Aramean, the brother of Rebekah, who was the mother of Jacob and Esau.

Jacob is now sent away. What irony. In the course of securing the blessing for Jacob, Rebekah now loses her relationship with her favored son. She will not see him again for nearly twenty years. This is some family. And yet, it is this very family that God will use to bless the nations.  Even though everything about their family dynamic was messed up, even though Jacob is sent away, God will bless him, and God will create His very own people through him. Isn’t it crazy how God works?

This is why I love God’s Story! His word is clear that He hates favoritism, deceit, manipulation, and anger. All of these characteristics tear families apart. And yet, God chooses to work through this dysfunctional family to create a new family for Himself. Why doesn’t God just start over with some people who have it a little more together? Why? Because in His wisdom, God shows us that He doesn’t give up us, especially when we mess up. In fact, God never gives up on any of His children. He loves us in spite of our dysfunctional flaws caused by sin. He loves us in spite of our favoritism, in spite of our flesh, in spite or our faithlessness.

He loves us simply because He chooses to love us, especially when we don’t deserve to be loved! And that’s the gospel. That’s the good news of God’s grace. Some of us are like Isaac and we let the flesh call the shots. But God never stopped loving Isaac. Some of us are like Rebekah and want to control everyone, but God never stopped loving Rebekah. And some of us are just like Jacob, willing to do whatever it takes to get what we want. But God never stopped loving Jacob. That’s why He allowed Jacob to get the blessing.

Because in all of this dysfunction, we cannot forget that there is a silver lining. Despite how messed up this family was – Isaac did bless Jacob… twice. Not only did he receive his father’s blessing, but he received the blessing of God’s promise. God was going to use one of the most flawed characters ever, to be the very person through whom He would birth a nation. And all I can say to this, is that Jacob was the recipient of some pretty amazing grace. And that should give us hope… for there is no one too messed up that God can use! There’s no one outside of the loving grace of God.